I have been overdue to journal on my site. I enjoy writing what I am thinking and feeling, the good and the not-so-good, while posting pictures that I take while out and about. Lately, I have had many good moments and some not so great moments too.
In Fortunate Frogs by Devon Short, lily pads are the cups from a traditional deck. Normally, this is a card of accomplishment and seeing the results of hard work. However, for me with this particular art work, I saw the frog with its feet in the water (i.e. emotions) while staring down at the water. It reminded me more of how the Queen of Cups intensely stares at her chalice. Like this frog, I am always somewhere in my emotions.
I had a hair appointment that didn't go so well yesterday. After 3.5 hours of having my hair bleached with color deposited after having my hair separated into sections and pulled on my a stylist, I felt exhausted. The young lady who was my stylist was not interactive at all with me which made this feel like a long time to just sit in a chair. That, and she didn't seem very confident that she knew what she was doing because she frequently was hesitant and had to ask others what to do with my hair which did negatively impact the confidence that I had in her abilities. I left with my hair wet after declining my hair be styled by her. I am patient to a point. Unfortunately, it did not last the full 3.5 hours for that appointment. I left thinking in disbelief that I paid someone to torture me with the frequent hair pulling and with a rude, dismissive attitude. She wasn't friendly at all which made this debacle even worse. Before this, I have been in my head about things.
I worked as a nurse supervisor at a local school this past school year through a staffing agency. Because I am a witch, I do not publicly share with people where I work because I don't want my work and my personal life to overlap. I very much like to keep the two separate. Well, anyway, I did great. However, I was working through a staffing agency that had been charging me $562 weekly, not biweekly, for medical coverage for myself and my family. This was more than the cost of my mortgage monthly and it wasn't even great insurance. I put in a notice with the staffing agency and finished the school year. The leadership shared they would research if I would legally be allowed to apply for a permanent role for next school year. Generally, when someone works through an agency, there is something in writing saying an employee cannot be directly hired because agencies are businesses that want to keep contracts to make money. I totally get the premise. It was not surprising when I checked in a couple weeks ago to be told they were waiting on the agency to get back with the school. So, my hopes aren't up. That, and things took a turn for the not so good.
I accepted a role to work PRN at a local hospital. I believed it would keep me busy over the Summer with supplemental income and help me put money back to fund my daughter's upcoming college tuition. I resigned three hours into my first shift after I was placed with someone who told me to do everything since I had been a nurse longer than her even though I had no idea how to use the computer or anything about that place. Without going into detail, it was a really bad three hours. It got worse when the nurse manager gaslit me when I told her things weren't going well saying I would need longer than a week to orient. I countered this, asking what "orientation" she was referring to because, at that point, I hadn't received any orientation and was set loose on my own to do everything. I think it was for the best though. Even though the money would have helped my family, my heart wasn't excited to go back to floor nursing. It was probably for the best that it didn't work out.
Just like the frog with the fishing pole, here I am again, in between jobs. I have had so many jobs over the past 16 years as a nurse. I have an opportunity coming up that I am interviewing for as a nurse instructor so we shall see. I have some interviews that go great and I have certainly bombed interviews too, especially if there are red flags and/or if people are not welcoming. I start school in the Fall for a MSN-Nurse Educator degree so transitioning to teaching makes sense. I love teaching so I believe it would be a role that I would enjoy which would come with better benefits for my family (benefits are really just as important as wage, honestly). Note the salamander hanging out by the King of Shrooms, i.e. King of Wands.
I saw this guy, a skink! He may not be a salamander but he reminded me of the salamander from the card. Isn't this guy absolutely beautiful?! He tried to be so still in an effort not to be seen. Not to mention: Such gorgeous tree bark! I often admire the tree bark on trees and occasionally give a tree a hug (an excellent grounding practice!). Oh, if a tree could talk, we would learn so much, wouldn't we??
I saw the tree branch with all the dead leaves on the ground. It totally reminded me of a witch's broom! I picked that guy up and propped him against a tree. With how the light was hitting the trees, I believed this was gorgeous too! The broom reminded me the importance of sweeping away the old to leave room for the new. When I make the time to walk, I feel grounded and like I am mentally processing the crummy things to have some closure and let go. Really, with intense feelings, it is good to transmute that energy from ourselves into another form (such as exercise).
If you have read this far, thanks for supporting my work! That, and I hope to show that none of us have "the perfect" life so I believe it is important to have transparency to show when life isn't going the most ideal because things are not "always" great.
I conclude this journal entry with the above quote which I believe is perfect, "May every sunrise hold more promise and every sunset hold more peace". Feel free to send me an email to mountaincrowtarot@gmail.com to say hello! If a Tarot reading is needed, reach out and we will set something up! However, as always, my friendship doesn't cost anything.
Blessed Litha,
Kat, the Crow Lady